I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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