Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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