we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
