o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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