Don't you send me to vm
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im about as happy as oj after his trial
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
