I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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