im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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