Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize