Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
