I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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