I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
