I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
