i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
