I must be too annoying 4 u.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
