Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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