Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
