why didn't you poke me back
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
