Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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