12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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