If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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