I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
