I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
two words...techno handjob
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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