we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
