Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
