You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
not ubering you a puppy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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