he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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