her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too