the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.