I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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