dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
