I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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