Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
