Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
