My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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