a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
