i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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