how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
