his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
