so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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