her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
