thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
