he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
