i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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