I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
