My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
