Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize