shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
