that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I supernannyed him into submission
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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