I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
