Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
