Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
