I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
