i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
