you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
