there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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