u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
