my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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