Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
