nut hugger
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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