Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You are the jesus of drinking
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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