to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
