I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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