Operation Purity has been aborted
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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