Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
