If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You have to summon your inner elephant
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
