i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
