I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
