Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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