Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
