How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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