Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
