I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
