and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
