Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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