I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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