No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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