Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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