we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
