i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
