Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
