How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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