We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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