I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
