True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize