We won't sleep together?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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