onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry about my life...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
