why do cheetos always look like penises
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
