Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
