who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
