Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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