She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
