Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
