Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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