If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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