I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
